the day you came

The day before you were born (your due date) I was driving home and noticed five cars with Christmas trees tied to their roofs. I was smiling. How amazing I thought that you could be born in this magical season to celebrate another very significant birth. I worked a ten hour shift on your due date. I had been feeling nauseated and crampy but hadn't noticed any strong contractions. Still, something was different, and I had a strong feeling that you were coming very soon. I tied up a few loose ends at work and said my good-byes. I made dinner and sterilized bottles and pacifiers when I got home. Nesting was in high gear.

We went to sleep about 11pm. I woke up at 1am with distinct pain that I hadn't experienced before. I knew they had to be contractions. They came every ten to fifteen minutes and were painful enough that I couldn't sleep through them. At 3 am I noticed a very strong contraction and timed the next one less than a minute later. I turned over in bed to wake up your Daddy and felt a pop and then a gush of fluid. My water broke and suddenly I knew it was really happening. We were finally going to meet you! We headed to the hospital shortly after. At the hospital we were admitted to triage. I was dilated to 4 and the nurse confirmed for sure that my water broke. We waited in triage about two hours before being admitted to labor and delivery. I kept thinking "I am so grateful my water broke". I didn't want to come to triage and be sent home like so many other women I knew. In fact when we brought in all our belongings everyone
assumed I was being induced. "Nope," I thought. You're just not sending me home. The pain became more intense by the time we left triage. I couldn't talk through the contractions and was finding myself annoyed when the nurse kept asking me questions. I never thought I would have a completely natural drug free delivery. I thought that it would be an incredible feat but my motto was, I'm not going to try and be a hero. I met with a nurse from anesthesia and went over all my pain control options. I decided to get a "walking" epidural. It allowed me to move, walk and even bounce on the exercise ball. It took the edge off and kept the epidural in so that I could convert to a regular epidural at any time. I am still really happy that I chose that initially. I did not want to be stuck in bed all day completely immobile. I walked in the halls with my family. Gabe was so amazing the entire time I labored. He would massage my back and offer water or juice. I kept throwing up and he never became squeamish. My family came throughout the day. In and out each visitor would take their turn. They were all so excited. It was so helpful having their support and encouragement.

I was contracting on my own all morning and most of the afternoon. After several hours of walking and bouncing I was dilated to six. At that point they chose to start Pitocin, to help further my progression. That was when things got intense. The contractions became more and more unbearable. I cried and had a very difficult time deciding if I should convert the epidural or work through the pain. I was still terrified of being stuck in bed. I was crying and overwhelmed with each contraction. The anesthesia nurse came in and admitted that in her 6 years there she had only seen one person deliver a baby with a walking epidural. All other women usually convert to the mainstream epidural if they get the epidural in the first place. It was getting late. I was getting so tired. I really hadn't slept much the night before and I did not want to be there all night. I converted the epidural and soon I was dilated to 8cm. The nurses turned me in several different positions every 15 minutes or so in hopes that the baby would descend more. At 9pm I had been ruptured for 18 hrs. In lay terms that means your waters been broke too long. Let's get this show on the road. So we did. I was finally dilated to 10cm. I cried when the nurse told me I was complete. Mostly because I was excited to meet you but also because I was so scared. My worst fear all along was that I would labor and then not be able to deliver naturally. I was determined to be a "good pusher." In my years as a baby nurse I had heard countless labor and delivery nurses describe patients as lazy pushers. People that attempted to push but could not deliver babies. The team rushed around the room and sweet Dr. Lewis came in and eased my fears and just chatted with us in between pushes. Each time you didn't come I could feel the frustration building up, not sure if I was being effective. An hour later the NICU team came because you had passed a little meconium. Having an additional three people in the room compounded with your meconium gave me the added might to see you. Your dad was so great at encouraging me and it was so amazing hearing the excitement in his voice when you were almost here. Just a few more attempts and you came in to the world at 10:21pm. They placed you in my arms and I was overcome. After all the waiting and wanting you were finally here. Our sweet little boy. We loved you instantly. You were bright eyed and alert. We did it. I couldn't believe that you were actually mine. All 7 pounds and 15 ounces of you. You were more perfect than I could have dreamed. Being pregnant with you was one thing but actually meeting you and looking at your face was remarkable. I am so grateful that you are here, Grayson. Mommy and Daddy love you so much.


My ten month old is almost 11 months old which means he's almost one year old. Which means I'm dreaming up his birthday party big time. It's almost Halloween and his costume is ready! Hallelujah!! He'll be Mr. Peanut of course! We weighed him at Publix a few days ago and he was up to 23 pounds. He outgrew his infant car seat and seems to really like his new big boy seat. We started supplementing with formula for the first time this month and he also tried whole milk. Luckily he had no adverse reactions to either. I'm really grateful we made it 10+ month of exclusively breastfeeding. My goal was 6 months and I hoped to make it one year but my supply was dwindling. He is less

and less interested in sitting on moms lap. Much too busy! He took two very small steps a couple days ago, but nothing sense. He loves to be on his feet. He also loves to rough house. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting beaten up and he's not even one. 😆! He says Dada a lot and Ah! He's very talkative but only he understands himself! We love our little guy more and more everyday. I can't believe this year is almost gone. 



Grayson did well at his nine month checkup on Friday. He was 22lbs and 2 oz (90%). He was 30.5 inches tall (98%) and his head circumference was 18.25 inches (80%). The nurse measured his height twice because she didn't believe he would be that tall. He has grown 11 inches in 9 months. That blows my mind!

Our little peanut is crawling everywhere and has now been pulling himself up on everything. He loves standing at the windowsill and looking outside. He is getting bored with puréed foods I make him and just wants to eat big boy food. He loves everything! He especially loves avocado and watermelon right now but has been eating turkey and pasta and beans. All kinds of stuff! 
We recently moved and have been on a few bike rides. Grayson has his own bike trailer and helmet. He squealed the first time we went! The next time we went it was HOT so he wasn't thrilled. 

I love watching him socialize. He definitely is more aware of strangers and familiar faces. He loves to talk and sing to people. A lot like his Daddy! His girl cousins, Laney and Livia, think he's a little loud but they'll get used to it :) 

We love you so much, buddy! 



Mr. Peanut turned eight months old yesterday. Where did my eight pound baby go? I mean really, at first time seemed to stand still and revolved around marathon nursing and diapers galore and crying and reflux and sleeplessness. At the time it seemed never ending but how wrong I was. That was but a moment just like everyday has been. Our big boy is flourishing. He is so happy! He only fusses when he's hungry or tired. He has been attempting crawling lately. He has been so close. He does more of a yoga pose and occasionally moves forward. He spins and rolls and can be at the other end of the room in no time but I wouldn't say he's crawled. He goes from siting position to tummy pretty easily but has face planted a few times. He really cries then. A Gut wrenching, guilt strickening cry. Poor baby. He's almost there though. Then he'll really seem older.
This month he finally got some teeth!!!!!!!! His bottom two teeth came in basically at once. He really took it like a champ. To help we have tried an amber necklace, Hylands teething tabs and lots of chew toys. He wasn't sleeping very well at that time but is doing much better now. I was really nervous about him getting teeth while nursing but I haven't even noticed them. Thank you baby!

Other firsts for the month...
We've really noticed him turn to or react to his name (Grayson and Peanut) :)
He is finally taking naps out of the rock and play. Bye bye rock and play ;(
He's tried a few new foods including yogurt, tofu (I know, much to Gabe's dismay) and cantaloupe. Lots and lots of cantaloupe up in here. He likes to chew on the rind too.
Toys he's loving right now include a toy remote, a plastic football and Sophie of course.

I could eat him up I love him so! Happy 8 months baby!



My little boy is quickly becoming a big one. I look at him all the time and think where did this toddler come from? He is so cute and melts my heart everyday. No stats this month since we didn't have a doctors visit but I'm guessing he's over 20 lbs by now. I gave in an bought an ergo carrier on sale at target the other day and I can't believe I waited so long. Holding him has become harder and he is so wiggly. We were given a hand me down chicco carrier and moby wrap and my back always killed me when I used them. Not with the ergo. It's incredible. He stays happy in one place and my arms and back aren't hurting. Yay! If anyone is contemplating I highly recommend it. I wish I bought it in the beginning. Luckily it will grow with him. Anyway, back to my silly boy...

First for this month...
Sitting up independently
Sat in the grocery cart at publix and target
Rolls all over the place
Lots of different foods like pears, broccoli, rice and beans, cantaloupe and bagels He's eating all kinds of food.
Babbling and "speaking" a lot.
And first plane trip! I was so stressed leading up to it but he did great! I'll post about our trip too.

I think his bottom teeth are coming in soon and I think he's pretty close to crawling. We shall see. Daddy has been out of town a lot. Cincinnati for almost three weeks and just left today after six hours at home to Minnesota for two weeks. Mama needs a nap! We can't wait for him to come home a little longer. Grayson, we love you so much and are enjoying watching you grow! You are such a smart, loving, special little boy!

Love, mommy



Mr. Peanut turned six months old today. I seriously can't believe he has already been here for half a year. He changes so quickly! His checkup went well. He is 19 lbs and 5 oz (75th percentile) 27 inches long (75th percentile) and his head was 17 inches in diameter (93rd percentile) Daddy yelled"that's bigger than my neck size." We have some big noggins. You have been trying more foods like peas, carrots, squash, zucchini, banana and we let you naw on an apple the other day.  You have been sleeping a little bit better, thankfully. I swear you only sleep well when Daddy is around. We went on a trip to the beach for Memorial Day weekend. You were not thrilled with the beach, but the pool seemed to make you happy. (After a few attempts) apparently you only like warm water like your mom. We love you so much little peanut! Don't grow too fast ;) 


Mother's Day

First, I was surprised at just how fun and awesome it would be to actually be a Mom on Mother's Day. We had a great time at church and then a great dinner with family. Being a mother has changed everything. I thought I loved him when we was born but now it's even more indescribable. He makes us so happy. Even on a fussy day or a sleepless night I'm so grateful he is here and that God had trusted this special spirit to be placed in my arms. I think that's where I'll keep him.