Yesterday as we were driving home, myself in the passenger seat I made Gabe aware of someone walking towards the intersection we were driving through. "Better watch out to make sure they stop." Obvious I know, but I always do things like this. He then made the joke that I needed to write a book on defensive driving to include, but not limited to the following points...
- Always be aware of more than is necessary, such as a cat that is 5 blocks down or a strolling pedestrian two streets over (make sure to yell loudly your observations especially if you're not driving, who knows if the driver is a defensive driver like you-don't trust anyone especially not your husband).
- Always keep hands white knuckled on the steering wheel at ten and two (long straws come in handy here for those with Diet Coke addictions)
- If possible keep one foot on the brake at all times and when applying the brake apply as quickly as possible causing the car to jerk forward and causing the passenger to suddenly wonder if his/her life is over.
- Speaking of braking, brake for everything, roadkill a street over, music on your radio that sounds like an ambulance but you're not quite sure if it's coming from the radio, helicopters overhead, cars a couple hundred yards in front of you on the interstate that happen to change lanes or tap their breaks (they might happen to be defensive driving friends and allies just practicing their braking but to you at that moment they are the enemy and their blinking brake lights are like morse code signaling a possible attack on your SUV).
- ALWAYS stop for gas. You can't trust your gas gauge or gas light. Are you crazy? They might be malfunctioning and you could get stranded and eaten by bears in the middle of Utah or even worse get stuck in the middle of Pine Hills.
These are just a few tips from what is sure to be a best selling Defensive Driving Model which I am entitling "Honk, Honk, Brake, Brake, AHHH!" dedicated to my husband. You'll have to purchase the book for more important tips. Drive safe and overly defensive!!!
**Portions of post brought to you by the opera singer
2 comments:
I laughed out loud reading this! Some of these comments could be directed at me. I blame it on the fact that I just recently started driving the SUV all the time. Whatever :)
I think I could write the chapter on "How to Apply These Skills When Driving With Your Teenager". I, too, was laughing out loud but secretly was just glad someone else does all those things I do! - Tera Fewell
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